I didn’t realize I was bisexual until I was 50. Her story completely resonated for me, because when you are socialized to believe there is only gay or straight, and you know you aren’t gay, then you never consider there are other options. Kids who are in college now live in a more open time, but even now, bisexuality is not particularly accepted — either by straight people who assume you are gay and not admitting it or by gay people who also think you are lying to yourself.

There’s a private member organization that started a few years ago for women to explore their bi-sexuality called Skirt Club. It’s now got locations all over the world and thousands and thousands of members. They have a some lesbian members, but overwhelmingly its women (high-powered, professional women) involved with men who want to explore with other women. When I wrote about it, I had women coming out of the wood work wanting to know if I was a member and could I get them in. Sadly, I am not.

Recent studies are showing that under the right circumstances, sexual fluidity, particularly for women, may be much more common than anyone ever guessed. Researcher, Lisa Diamond says, “You have an orientation but that orientation is not as deterministic as we think. Our orientation is a fact, but it doesn’t always provide the last word on whom we’re attracted to.”

Once again, pronouncing how something is and attempting to invalidate someone else’s personal experiences without ever bothering to actually learn about them is not a particularly admirable thing to do. Perhaps you should look into the psychology of what makes you feel inclined to do that?

Written by

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store