For me, seeking consent means that you are less focused on what you want and more (or at least equally) focused on determining what your partner wants — and the line of consent is drawn where your partner says it is. You’ve made some really good points and distinctions here. There’s still a lot of myth that actually having a conversation is inherently a mood killer, but I haven’t found that to be the case at all. We have no way to know what wounds or particular desires our partner has and how they inform what feels good to them unless we actively seek that out, either verbally or by paying great attention to body language and non-verbal cues.

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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