Early on in our marriage, he worked a lot and even though I had a job also, I ended up doing 90% of everything else, including mowing the lawn and taking the cars in for service. I got tired of having two full time jobs and actually quit the office one while we were trying to have a baby so that I could regroup a bit before launching into parenthood. In our circle of young professionals, people treated me like I had two heads since I was staying at home but had no child yet. I think that’s where I learned to do what works for us, and to hell with what others think. Now our son is older, and my husband works a more standard schedule. I’m back working too, although this time from home. We’ve started to share more of the household chores and James does his own laundry. He’s the better cook, and does most of the weekend and all of the holiday meals. Interestingly, this greater split of home duties started more in earnest after we opened up our marriage. We were reevaluating what it means to be together and actually stopped using the words husband/wife so much in favor of the more egalitarian “partner.” Partners get to decide what their commitment and their domestic arrangements look like irrespective of what anyone else says they “should” be and we’ve never been happier!

I just wrote something along these same lines, about how both men and women need to figure out who they really are and stop trying to fit into boxes designed by someone else. How To Be A Real Man

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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