Do you actually know anything about polyamory? Because this whole thing is a bunch of projections that have no bearing on actual polyamory. I’m not meaning that in a pissy and antagonistic way. I’m just surprised to see someone resonate with this depiction because it’s so far from my lived experience.

I have had more true liberation from and healing around patriarchal notions of my sexuality and my personal individuality in polyamory than in any other way. I’ve heard other women say the same thing. It’s been an incredibly feminist experience.

“I danced and flirted and just enjoyed inhabiting my own sexuality in a place where that was what I was being encouraged to do. It was a revolutionary experience to get to be both sexy and sexual because that is not something that is typically safe or acceptable for women to be out in the regular world. The ethos of most of these clubs is very supportive and protective of women. All new members are instructed that you don’t ever touch someone else without their permission and that no means no — the first time. The culture is very egalitarian and doesn’t have that predatory feel that a lot of vanilla clubs exude.

There was never any leering, uninvited groping, stalking, or disrespectful behavior. The things that many women have to deal with every day while fully dressed on the street are just not a factor in a club like that. If anyone forgets the rules, there are bouncers to escort them out the door. But for the most part, that isn’t needed. When the culture of a group is one of respect, it tends to engender actual respect.

Unlike out in the regular world, female sexuality is embraced and expected. It’s considered normal and not for the consumption of anyone. This doesn’t mean that scantily clad women aren’t looked at with appreciation, but that has a very different feel than being assessed as a commodity. Having been on the receiving end of both kinds of glances, I can definitely say that they feel entirely different.”

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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