Cultural narratives and unconscious bias do exist and they run most people from their subconsciousness, (as aptly demonstrated by the study of the young men who consciously valued consent but then self-reported that they unconsciously treated women in ways that fit the legal definition of assault). Not every man in that study was being unconsciously run by those cultural narratives in the same way or at all — because they are individuals. This does not bely the fact that a large percentage of the men studied were unconsciously behaving in ways that did not align with their stated beliefs.
See, it’s possible for more than one thing to be in play at the same time. Imagine that!? You can be both an individual and being run to some greater or lesser extent by things that you are not consciously aware of. Most people believe and take pride in their extreme individualism and yet are not nearly as island-like as they think they are. They think that because they are such a shining example of individuality that if they are not conscious of being racist or sexist, they aren’t. Meanwhile, many of them are — and some of them aren’t. Because people are individuals who live within a society. Both elements are in play.
Read the piece below, because based on the amount of wild emotion in your responses, I’d say that you are a prime example of someone who is being run from behind the scenes by his wounds.