Christian, thanks so much for your thoughtful response and I agree with everything that you’ve said. In hindsight, it’s pretty apparent to me that his wounding from both societal expectations of men and being rejected/left by women he loved in the past contributed to this armoring which presented as disdain for women. And it still hurt a lot because I was being open and vulnerable and I thought that he was also — until our time together hit a sore spot for him and he retreated to his armored space.

“The most important thing an exciting man can do is make a woman feel safe, emotionally as well as sexually. Then, she will feel comfortable taking the sexual risks he wants, including asking her to be vulnerable in Shibari and sweetness.” That actually kind of teared me up because it is completely true! Writing this is a part of my larger healing process, and having you respond in this way is too. Much appreciated!

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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