As I said here, it’s not so much that women actually want bad boys and jerks. What they want is boys/men who are confident and sometimes the two overlap. The dominance hierarchy teaches us all that being in control and a bit ruthless is the sign of a leader, particularly for boys, but nobody who isn’t completely damaged wants to actually date a jerk.

I think the real issue is with vulnerability and not wanting to risk opening yourself up to get to know somebody in a human way when what you’ve been taught (in movies, and by watching the jerks) is that you should be dominant/domineering.

This story spells the whole friendzone thing out pretty realistically I thought.

You put yourself in the friend zone because you’re terrified of rejection. You pose as a friend, and passively wait for something to happen. But rejection is a natural part of the dating cycle.

If you want a yes, you have to risk a no.

Stop blaming the girl. Also, try this:

  1. Acknowledge your feelings.
  2. Stop pretending to be a friend.
  3. If you want something more, say so.
  4. Respect her answer.
  5. Respect yourself.
  6. Either be a friend, or don’t.

You can’t guilt someone into a date, at least not a good one. You don’t have to keep hanging out with a girl you have a crush on if she doesn’t like you back, just to prove you’re not a jerk.

And then there’s the science:

“In the end, the idea that women want to date bad boys really just reinforces the misogynist’s idea of deceitful women and earnest “nice” men baffled by their lack of dating success. It allows some men to blame and hate women as a means of deflecting attention away from their own shortcomings. So, if you’re looking to science for some advice, it’s simple: be nice.”

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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