And exactly how is the average bear supposed to expect any different when that is all that see around them; all that they think is even possible because it’s actively enforced? You have to do the work to deprogram from it, and most people are too afraid or too lazy.
When you are already a part of an outside-the-norm group you have a better chance of going there. I already didn’t fit in to some extent because I’m a taller than average woman. Then I had an autistic child and had the gift of being forced even further out of the mainstream. Starting from already outside of the “box” made it a whole lot easier to keep moving in the direction that made us happy rather than the one that was expected. If the culture you are in largely accepts “create-your-own-relationship” paradigms, you are starting with a leg up.