An interesting voice on this topic is Cindy Gallop, who started Make Love Not Porn. She is not against people watching sexually explicit material; just against the ways that porn tends to skew and degrade actual good sex. She says she dates mostly men in their 20s (even though she is “mature”) and that she’s really noticed the way that men behave with their partners in sexual situations in the past 25 years as porn has become more ubiquitous — and not in a good way. Porn doesn’t teach actual connection or paying attention to what your partner really wants — it’s meant to be a kind of visual candy, and in this way, it can deteriorate real world sex, to the detriment of women.

I wrote a while back about How To Have A Great Escort Experience. What I learned from talking to escorts and reading about them is that a lot of men are looking to recreate a “porn scene” rather than to have an actual experience with a woman. Moving towards more transactional (rather than human) relationships means less relating to that woman as an actual human person and more objectification, which makes it easier to move into violence and dehuminization. Erotica or sexually explicit material is not necessarily the issue; it’s the way that most porn removes the human relationship from the equation that is the problem.

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Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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