Also E. L. Byrne — far be it from me to tell you what your own experiences actually were, but when I read both your lake story and the club story, I received it as you retelling about spiritual experiences (even if you didn’t language them that way). The reason being, you reported experiencing yourself as whole, powerful, beautiful and goddess-like. We haven’t been taught to think of sex in that way, and so it may not register consciously but as I said, I don’t think you need to be engaged in tantra or some other overt blend of sexuality/spirituality in order to have sacred sexual experiences.

Just my two cents, but I think you might be further along on that path then you think.