After my father passed away, my mom eventually joined a widow/widowers group. All the men were desperate to get married again and my mom had several offers from guys who were nice enough but that she was not in love with. She did eventually meet another partner and was with him for 22 years until he eventually passed away also. They never married or lived together. She didn’t want that kind of restriction or to have to play that role again, as much as she loved my dad — and she was kind of the typical 50s housewife earlier in her life.
All this to say that I totally understand where you are coming from, and think that these comments are largely projection and not just being condescending out of hand. Still, it’s annoying….