A really good piece! I’ve been married for 25 years and about 5 years ago we opened up our marriage and I now have another male partner. My nesting partner does life and love a lot like I do. Not exactly, but close. My newer partner is my polar opposite in many ways. I’ve had to learn the hard way not to over-react, not to demand that he speak all of my love languages (he doesn’t), but instead to allow him to love me how it feels good to him. He’s met me a little bit of the way, but mostly it’s been me relaxing and letting him be him that has made space for a better, saner, more satisfying relationship for us both.
Polyamory has taught me how to be an individual who co-creates different kinds of relationships with different kinds of people, rather than simply a kind of co-dependent one half of a whole that I think mainstream society preaches about relationships. I’m more emotionally healthy and so is my primary relationship. I’ve learned so much from unlearning most of the things that I was taught about relationships and marriage.
You will no doubt be a huge help to many, many couples with your insights and point of view.