A long time ago I wrote something about how to get the most out of an escort experience (since we’ve hired both male and female escorts). The single best advice I have is to treat it like a real date; in other words connect with the other person as a person and not a living sex doll. It’s unfathomable to me that anyone would truly want to do something other than that, but those who are emotionally unavailable are typically pretty wounded and armoring themselves in that way.

Polyamory is complicated — one of the reasons that we’ve hired escorts a fair amount, because it’s a whole lot simpler and easier. Most people aren’t doing their own self-growth work and since we have a young adult child who still needs constant supervision, we don’t have a lot of free time to spend on sucky dates. We feel very lucky that we’ve finally found a good couple of people to play with who are sane, and fun, and good people.

The only thing I remember about the psychology class I took in high school is that intermittent reinforcement is the strongest kind, so don’t beat yourself up for wanting to hang in when it had just been good for a while. There’s a strong desire to push the lever one more time to see if you get a pellet rather than a shock this time. But I’m glad that you ultimately figured out what worked for you and what didn’t.

Oh, and thanks for the mention! 😘

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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