The highlights from the previous week, plus the featured writer

It’s funny how themes seem to organically arise sometimes and this week at Sensual, there were quite a few stories exploring various aspects of ethical non-monogamy, including the first Dear Elle column for a while, “ (But I’m still treated like a dirty little secret).

Be sure to check them all out, as well as the other terrific offerings from the week, because these are just the highlights. …


But I’m still treated like a dirty little secret

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Dear Elle,

A year and a half ago, I met and fell in love with a married man who identified as poly. He is my twin flame. The healing I’ve experienced in loving him is profound. I don’t regret a minute of it and will be forever grateful to him, come what may.

We each have our story about what we were looking for just before we found one another. I was looking for a true partner with whom I could tend the great flame of life. Two years into an…


Unless you are living it or are a subject matter expert, be quiet and learn

I wouldn’t dream about writing a story about what it’s like to be a gay man. Neither would I dare to write about what it’s like to be an Orthodox Jew. Although I do actually know a little bit about both of those things from listening to people who have that as their lived experience, I still wouldn’t presume to tell a gay man or an Orthodox Jew what their relationships and experiences are really like.

And yet, there are all kinds of people who…


Some things to consider before diving in

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Long before we started looking for someone else to play with, my husband James and I had several conversations about what we wanted from the encounter, how we expected it to go, what we didn’t want to happen, and the parameters we would set with the other person. When we found someone that we were interested in, we asked them about what the wanted and expected too.

This was just the beginning of starting off on the right foot to having fun and enjoyable three-way sex. James and I opened up our marriage…


Because poly women have multiple partners as well

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On more than one occasion I’ve been told by somebody who is monogamous that polyamory sounds good in theory, but if it were ever socially sanctioned, it would lead to chaos. The theory being, if monogamy were not socially enforced, just a few elite men would have harems of women and most other men would have no partners, which would lead to unrest. It seems to be men who are the most sure that this is how it would go.

This is a classic case of somebody trying to overlay the paradigm…


Analysis of millions of traffic stops reveals that racial disparities are indeed a serious problem nationwide

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Suspect Citizens: What 20 Million Traffic Stops Tell Us About Policing and Race (Cambridge University Press, 2018) is a book co-authored by Kelsey Shoub, currently on the political science faculty of the University of South Carolina. She and her co-authors analyzed 14 years of traffic stop data in the State of North Carolina after a mandate from the state legislature to gather information intended to either confirm or refute reported racial disparities in traffic stops.

Although the main data collection took place in North…


With only a little analysis, because the data speaks for itself

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Over the past few weeks I’ve had several “discussions” with people about the true magnitude of police brutality against Blacks in the United States. I’ve been told things like that it’s some sort of “woke” drama conspiracy and that I don’t know what I’m talking about — until the numbers are laid out and the reality becomes unassailable. I decided to share some of that information in a neat and fairly succinct package here — both for my own future reference as well as yours.

Of course, for some people, data isn’t as relevant as their strong personal belief about…


That’s what we keep hearing anyway

I’ve been getting a lot of lovely feedback recently about the feel of Sensual: An Erotic Life this week. Several people have told me that it’s delicious, and I can’t help but agree. Kudos to all the writers (and readers) who have helped contribute to such a yummy community.

Enjoy this week’s highlights and don’t forget to check out the rest of our sweet and savory offerings on the main page.

💋
Elle

The writer of the week is Eroticlit. Casey Holt writes under the name Eroticlit, because that’s her speciality — steamy…


After finally getting some time alone on our anniversary

My husband James Neil Clarke and I committed ourselves to each other 29 years ago. It hasn’t been all roses, but that’s to be expected. Most of the time we do remember how much we truly adore each other and sometimes we even get into that transcendent place where all the challenges fade away and we revel in the depth of our love. This was one of those days.

This morning after everyone else was gone, we were finally able to really take our time together. We started with a long…


I always appreciate your comments because they invariably add nuance. Yes, people can certainly have a preference or a type. Presumably, the larger men who went to the dances you described were there of their own free will and so it was being done consensually, but as Rachael said in her story, feeling like someone only likes you because you are fat doesn't feel good. If you are putting yourself out there as a person who just happens to be fat, and the person who is interested in you is primarily honed in on that, and not the rest of you, I think that's where the problem arises.

Presumably, if someone is actually in a relationship with someone, and not just engaged in a passing hook-up, they like more about them then just that one preferred characteristic.

Elle Beau ❇︎

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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