How are we supposed to attain a more equitable society if we aren’t allowed to talk about the problems with it?

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One of my favorite sayings is, “You can’t solve a problem that you can’t see.” This applies to everything from engineering, to creating computer software, to construction, to talking about society. If you are unaware of an issue, including the particulars of how and why something isn’t working, it is unlikely that you will be able to solve that problem.

Nonetheless, I often hear people railing against those who are pointing out the issues with a deeply racist, sexist, homophobic, ableist society. Sure, we’ve come a long way in the past 50 years, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t…

There are reasons that I live with James and not Nat

Photo by Jeremy Banks on Unsplash

Sometimes opposites attract. In the case of me and my polyamorous partner Nat, this is true in spades. I often say that we are completely different from each other, except for the few ways that we are exactly alike. I liken it to the taijitu (the Yin/Yang symbol). We are night and day, with just a drop of the other one within us but together we fit to create a cohesive whole that works despite the differences.

Highlights from the week, plus the featured writer

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Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms who wear invisible capes and don’t get near enough credit for what they do. You deserve respect and a whole lot of sensual pleasure, and we’re here to help with the latter.

These are just the highlights, so be sure to check out all of the terrific submissions and trending stories on our Sensual: An Erotic Life home page.

The featured writer of the week is Demeter deLune. Demeter is a passionate sex-positive advocate who fearlessly shares what’s on her mind, and in her nightstand…

One day a year of lipservice doesn’t make this OK

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In America, we love mothers. Along with apple pie, moms represent wholesome, down-home values, and the sanctity of the family. The only problem is, we just don’t respect them. Americans glorify the role of motherhood and expect that any self-respecting woman will revel in that role. In a 2011 survey, some 63% of adults continue to believe that being a mother is the most important job for a woman in today’s world, and women who don’t embrace that tend to be looked down on and incessantly questioned.

However, we also…

But I’m not willing to be a trailblazer

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A couple of years ago, my husband James and I went to a topless-optional resort in Mexico on vacation. I didn’t wear a bra for the entire week, and it was heaven! No constricting band of lycra squeezing my sides, no pesky straps to worry about, and no uncomfortable underwire — it was great! …

But some guys keep calling me ‘sir’ anyway

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Yesterday I took a short Uber ride to an appointment. The driver knew my name from the request for his services and I have a very clearly feminine first name. He saw me walk down out of my house with C cup breasts and carrying a robin’s egg blue bag. He talked to me the entire 10 minute trip, and we had a very friendly and congenial conversation. He frequently looked at me in his rear-view mirror, where I appeared very much as I do in the photo above.

As I got out of the car the driver said, “Have…

We can’t choose who we love any more than we can choose who we are sexually attracted to

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

A few years ago I got into a discussion with a friend about the nature of love. He believed that love was primarily a set of things that you do to be of service to someone else. While I can certainly understand behaving in a loving way to be one expression of love, I think that’s a really limiting construct with a lot of holes in it. You can behave kindly or in a way that is of service to someone you despise. …

Including the ethos of Sensual: An Erotic Life

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All new contributors must read these guidelines. We take the content of Sensual very seriously including the feel and the ethos of the publication. Sensual is first and foremost a community for sex-positive people to share and support each other. We talk about everything from sex work, to polyamory to BDSM. We talk about how our culture inhibits and tries to control sexual expression, particularly for women.

We share our personal journeys of sexual awakening and fulfillment or frustration, and we’re more geared towards tantra than transactional sex. …

How to know if it’s your shadow that is actually speaking for you

Photo by Yasin Yusuf on Unsplash

I’m always up for a healthy debate about, well, just about anything — as long as it’s well-supported and grounded in something that makes some sort of sense. I understand and appreciate that not everyone sees things in exactly the same way, and sometimes I even learn something because of that. Diversity of thought adds to the world, but those who are essentially spewing their Id onto the page and calling it logic just make my head hurt. Unfortunately, I encounter them rather too often, although I guess that’s just life on the internet.

There’s nothing wrong with being passionate…

Plus, the featured writer

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Below are the highlights from the past week of Sensual: An Erotic Life. Don’t miss all of the terrific essays, erotica, and poetry from our growing sex-positive community. You can find them all here.

The featured writer of the week is Sarene B. Arias. Sarene is a woman of many talents and she wears a lot of hats, both in her community and here on Medium. But whatever Sarene writes about, she does so with authenticity and passion. Below are a few of our favorite stories of hers.

Elle Beau ❇︎

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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