And that was what ended our relationship

Photo by Shot by Cerqueira on Unsplash

I’ve been with my polyamorous partner Nat for close to 6 years now, but early on in our relationship we broke up for about 6 months. During that time, my husband James and I moved to the other side of the country and began a new life. However, a few months before we moved, James and I had gone to hotel party — a poly get-together where an entire hotel gets taken over for the weekend so that poly people can party together without judgement.

That’s where James and I met Adam and…


And some other municipalities are following suit

Image: Wikipedia Commons

The Manhattan district attorney’s office, headed by Cyrus Vance, Jr., has announced that they will no longer prosecute sex workers. They do however intend to continue arresting and prosecuting traffickers, pimps, and clients. The most recent policy used to be that all charges would be dropped once a sex worker had completed 5 sessions with a counselor, but what the DA’s office finally realized is that this wasn’t actually helping anything. Most people do sex work because they need the money, not because they are disordered in some way.

In a statement, Vance…


Or risk violating anti-discrimination laws?

Photo by Oleg Magni from Pexels

What if sex work were to become legal at some point — would that mean that providers would have to see anyone and everyone or risk running afoul of anti-discrimination laws? It doesn’t seem like that would be fair. After all, having sex with someone is a lot more intimate than say, baking a cake for them or serving them coffee. Shouldn’t providers get a say in who they are intimate with?

As it stands, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA) prohibit discrimination based on race, color, national…


Here’s why

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

Sensual: An Erotic Life is a sex-positive publication. That means not only do we celebrate healthy sexuality in all of it’s forms and permutations, we also value respect as an intrinsic part of a sex-positive outlook.

In the Sensual submission guidelines it says, “We want things that affirm sex, sexuality and erotic relationships but do not depict unkindness, lack of consent, or the debasement of anyone, particularly women.” Although until recently, this did not specify infidelity, it does now.

Affairs are pretty common, particularly in a culture that ostensibly values monogamy quite highly, but also does a bad job of…


A fantasy about getting hot and bothered

Image Licensed from Adobe Stock

“I wish you belonged to my gym,” he said to me one day.

“Why,” I asked? “So you can see my ass in yoga pants? You can do that any time you want.”

“No, it’s not that — or at least it’s not just that. I really want to see you work up a sweat. I’d like to watch you work out and see your forehead start to glisten and the back of your neck get damp. …


The highlights from the previous week, plus the featured writer

It’s funny how themes seem to organically arise sometimes and this week at Sensual, there were quite a few stories exploring various aspects of ethical non-monogamy, including the first Dear Elle column for a while, “Dear Elle, He Says He’s Polyamorous (But I’m still treated like a dirty little secret).

Be sure to check them all out, as well as the other terrific offerings from the week, because these are just the highlights. …


But I’m still treated like a dirty little secret

Photo by Wilhelm Gunkel on Unsplash

Dear Elle,

A year and a half ago, I met and fell in love with a married man who identified as poly. He is my twin flame. The healing I’ve experienced in loving him is profound. I don’t regret a minute of it and will be forever grateful to him, come what may.

We each have our story about what we were looking for just before we found one another. I was looking for a true partner with whom I could tend the great flame of life. Two years into an…


Unless you are living it or are a subject matter expert, be quiet and learn

I wouldn’t dream about writing a story about what it’s like to be a gay man. Neither would I dare to write about what it’s like to be an Orthodox Jew. Although I do actually know a little bit about both of those things from listening to people who have that as their lived experience, I still wouldn’t presume to tell a gay man or an Orthodox Jew what their relationships and experiences are really like.

And yet, there are all kinds of people who…

Elle Beau ❇︎

Dispelling cultural myths with research-driven stories. My favorite word is “specious.” Not fragile like a flower; fragile like a bomb! Twitter @ElleBeau

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